Answering Messages !!
Actual answering machine answers recorded
and verified by the world famous organization;
International Institute of Answering Machines!
1. > A is for academics,
> >> B is for beer.
> >> One of those reasons is
> >> Why we're not here.
> >> So leave a message.
2. > Hi. This is John: If you are the
> >> phone company, I already sent
> >> the money. If you are my parents,
> >> please send money. If you are
> >> my financial aid institution, you
> >> didn't lend me enough money.
> >> If you are my friends, you owe me
> >> money. If you are a female,
> >> don't worry, I have plenty of money.
3. > (Narrator's voice:) There Dale
> >> sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly
> >> the telephone rings! The bathroom
> >> explodes into a veritable maelstrom
> >> of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle
> >> of it, his arms windmilling
> >> at incredible speeds! Will he
> >> make it in time? Alas no, his valiant
> >> effort is in vain. The bell hath
> >> sounded. Thou must leave a message.
4. > "Hi. Now you say something."
5. > "Hi! John's answering machine is
> >> This is his refrigerator.
> >> Please speak very slowly, and
> >> I'll stick your message to myself
> >> with one of these magnets."
6. > "Hello, this is Sally's microwave.
> >> Her answering machine just eloped
> >> with her tape deck, so I'm stuck
> >> taking her calls. If you'd like
> >> anything cooked while you leave
> >> your message, just hold it up to the phone!"
7. > "Hello, you are talking to a machine.
> >> I am capable of receiving messages.
> >> My owners do not need
> >> siding, windows, or a hot tub.
> >> Their carpets are always clean.
> >> They give to charity through their
> >> office and do not need any pictures taken.
> >> They believe the stock market is a random crapshoot,
> >> and the entire insurance industry is one huge scam
> >> perpetrated by Mafioso accountants. If you're still
> >> with me, leave your name and number and
> >> they will get back to you."
8. > "Hi. I am probably home, I'm just avoiding
someone I don't like.
> >> Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you."
9. > "This is not an answering machine:
> >> this is a telepathic thought recording device.
> >> After the tone, think about your name, your
> >> reason for calling, and a number
> >> where you can be reached, and
> >> my owner will think about returning your call."
10.> "Hi, this is George. I'm sorry I
> >> can't answer the phone right now.
> >> Leave a message, and then wait by
> >> your phone until I call you back."
11.> "If you are a burglar, then we're
> >> probably at home cleaning our
> >> weapons right now and can't come
> >> to the phone. Otherwise, we
> >> probably aren't home and it's
> >> safe to leave us a message."
12.> "You're growing tired. Your
> >> eyelids are getting heavy. You
> >> feel very, sleepy now. You are
> >> gradually losing your willpower
> >> and your ability to resist suggestions.
>>> When you hear the tone
> >> you will feel helplessly compelled to
> >> leave your name, number, and a message."
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